Rethinking Misogyny

We've all seen misogyny at almost every corner, from a man getting angry about a woman's success or the general hatred against women. I often blamed Misogyny on men's abhorrence for women's progress—from giving them the basic rights to uplift within the society, where they could now participate in the areas dominated for ages by men. It wasn't until someone pointed me to a different perspective that I realized the dangers of my reasoning and understanding of misogyny or the lack of it. Misogyny is not the result of women having more rights or being able to do things traditionally reserved for men, it's the result of multiple factors. One of such factors is men not able to uphold the system that other men created. Blaming it on women's rights is misogynistic itself, but also a deflection from the real reasons behind it. The system that ingrains in men the need to be perceived as emotionally stunted and having a tyrant-like personality—to be manly and powerful—is the one that is responsible. In essence, those who perpetuates misogyny are the victims of the system that has historic roots in a misogynistic and patriarchal system. This isn't, of course, about excusing misogyny, but about diagnosing its root cause: a system that damages men and uses that to fuel hatred against women.

The System at Play

The patriarchal system in place offers men social power and privilege, often resulting in men conditioned to perform a rigid version of masculinity where emotional stoicism is mistaken for strength. Masculinity is often thought of as the suppression of emotions and feelings, to prove manhood.

Misogyny is beyond hate, it's a policing mechanism which punishes everyone, but women bear the most. It punishes anyone who steps out of the line, defies customs and go beyond the cultural expectations. Women who seek power in a world dominated by men and men who show 'weakness' are punished. Each gender is bound by rules and system makes sure everyone abides them. 

Manosphere is a loose network of communities that claim to address men’s struggles. They exploit vulnerable men in the name of improving their lives. Manosphere is centered on opposing women's rights, turning vulnerable men against the empowerment of women and promote anti-feminist and sexist beliefs. Since the patriarchal system offers no healthy way for men to deal with their emotions, it often creates a vacuum which Manosphere rushes in to fill with toxic explanation: "It's not anyone's but women's fault." These are spaces that create a system that perpetuates misogyny, often resulting in more men that stay vulnerable. The result is hatred against women since such spaces promote root cause of men's problems to be women's empowerment.

With systems in place where rules are such that you're constantly failing, it reinvigorates the hate towards system which manifests in hateful behaviors towards others, particularly women. Women become easy targets of this hate because of internalized and learned misogyny. Many young men are raised in families where some sort of abuse is common, often father figures lash out on women in their lives, and they do so because women have always been the easy targets. This reinforces the dangerous thinking.

Men as Products of the System

The 'Man Box' is a set of rigid societal expectations placed upon boys, which strictly divide them from girls and provides a road-map for an ideal man. It often encompasses behaviors which are dangerous and focused on power with phrases such as: Don't be weak. Be a provider. Be in control. Don't be "like a girl." 

Failing to meet these impossible standards results in shame and defeat. The shame and failure often turns into hate and anger, but it must be redirected somewhere. The system doesn't allow a man to blame the system since the very act is seen as a weakness. The system does, however, give a man a target: women's progress, which becomes a convenient scapegoat for his personal sense of failure. These societal values become toxic when no flexibility is offered, turning personal struggles not into moments for growth but into judgment and shame that demand an external target. In this context, misogynistic acts are a desperate performance, often where a man, by lashing out, tries to reclaim the dominance and control that he feels he has lost.